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Offline poppabear

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Thangs Poppa Ain't allowed to do in paintball anymore.......
« on: November 06, 2013, 02:33:33 PM »
1.   Say to anyone that is not from around here, "Hey you got Purdy Lips".
2.   Play battling banjo's for physiological warfare against the Carpet Baggers.
3.   Ask any one from above the Mason-Dixon Line if he can squeal like a pig.
4.   Give land-nav coordinates to non-hillbilly's in the form of, "You-in's go down through the hollor, take a left at the cut back, go past the yeller dog, next to the deer trail after the coolly sink hole, find them yanks and giv’um H3LL-Fire and Tar-nation.
5.   Try to stick dollar bills in the waist bands of Hooter girl's shorts, during a pre-game "Staff Meeting".
6.   Realize that telling other players from yankee land, that she really is your sister-wife is NOT a good idea, even if there is a TV show about it.
7.   Telling PETA members that you had to personally strangle all 450 cute furry Nauga's to make your reversible fur lined Nauga-hide Hunt'n Jacket, is not cool... but, it is funny.
8.   Continuing to tell the PETA members that you're in PETA also: “People Eating Tasty Animals”.
9.   Understanding that "getting in touch with your feminine side", does not include telling the above PETA members, "Hey, here is a Tissue for your Issue", when they start to cry over those poor Nauga's.
10.   Telling a bunch of Commie, Liberal, Democrat, Plaid Shirt wearing Rump-rangers that, "You give plaid shirts a bad name...Pard...” is usually poorly received when in Cali-forny, or other states that recognize these types of Heathen'ers.
11.   Moonshine, is not an alternative fuel, for a junior league paintball warrior.
12.   Purchasing a "Speedballer" hunt'n permit is in poor taste, (in some places).
13.   Sending Yankee players to known Bear caves to see if they really do "Shat in the woods", is not funny.........really......... it's not.....
14.   Infantry training of young players does not include how to time MRE bombs in Sh!tter's during a dinner break, is not good form...... all though, it is funny...
15.   Creating a distraction for the enemy, does not include anything to do with Turpentine and Cats........
16.   Must NOT discuss Farm animals.......with anyone outside of the family.
17.   Convincing players that the bridge will hold their "tank" cause you used duct tape at critical load bearing structures is not a good idea........ really.
18.   Telling a bunch of women's lib-er paintball chicks that, "A women with two black eyes had to be told twice", especially if wearing my Jerry Springer approved Wife-Beater T-Shirt with mustard stains and cigarette burn holes.
19.   Letting Hillbilly's be in ANY form of leader-ship role is usually a bad idea, especially, if it is a scenario game titled, "Ridge-Runners vs. the Pinkerton's", and if the "Tanks", look like late-model Fords, Chevy's or Dodges with Large numbers and sponsor stickers all over them, and if anywhere NEAR Bristol Motor speedway, "Life Star", should be notified in advance.......
20.   Bringing ANY of your cousins to the "Independence Day 4" games is not well received, even IF they did see Elvis on the last abduction.
21.   Never speak of "Aliens" and "Medical Probes" in the same sentence in relation to the above.
22.   Never admit to using Cats in "Live Fire Exercise" training....
23.   If a Chinese restaurant is within 5 miles, then #22 above is ok in most suther'n states.
24.   Using a real "Trojan", at a family paint game for a barrel protector is not funny...most of the time....
25.   Referring to yourself in the 3rd person, and saying stuff like, "The Evil Hobbits’es, want me precious" then grabbing your Junk is only funny in small groups.......
26.   As far as 3rd person references are concerned, NO self-respecting Hillbilly will ever quote Bob Dole.
27.   When playing "In field" games, cow patties are not good for anti-personnel mines even if a paint-grenade does create a nice area denial radius.....
28.   When playing "Brave Heart" scenario games, and some punk ask me, "Hey what you wearing under that kilt anyway", my response of "Your Wife's Lipstick mate!” is a sure way for it to be "On like Donkey Kong".
29.   In reference to #28 above, Painting my face white and blue, and chunking large rocks at the enemies head is almost over the top for my "Character". (Hey ref, he had goggles on......... it's all good, he'll wake up in a bit, don't be a baby, "it's just a flesh wound" [***Using a Monty Python accent***].......)
30.   Any and ALL references, sayings, and comments derived from Monty Python's "In search of the Holy Grail", is only acceptable if Brits are on the field.
31.   I'm not allowed to challenge Refs or Field Owners to "Do Battle with Naked Steel" anymore
32.   I'm not allowed to interrogate players in the dead zone, even if I have the duct tape and a moped battery handy.
33.   I cannot take credit for assassinations that happened 30 years before I was born.
34.   Telling little kids on a bridge, that the snakes they’re looking at are "Jumping Snakes" is in poor taste, and I should not tell their frustrated parents to "Let them run away, you can make new ones, can’t you?" in a voice louder than 115 decibels’ as they chase their terror stricken kids.
35.   I'm not allowed to herd the neighbors’ sheep with my car ever again.
36.   I can’t organize a mass - mooning incident, aimed at the enemy team on any paintball field, even if they are baastard 'anglishmen!
37.   I’m not allowed to piss my nick name on the side of any corporately sponsored trailer, even if it belongs to speedballers.... or the ref that refused to do battle with naked steel.... or both....
38.   I shouldn’t eat any fast food product before a long car drive, especially spicy chicken burritos.
39.   I can’t "frag" any general on my team, just for $hits and giggles.
40.   I shouldn’t do "Snatch and Grab" missions during the night, on the camp porta john toilet paper supplies.
41.   I shouldn’t throw clumps of mud at dope smokers for grenade practice, especially on April 20th, especially if they outnumber us 10 to 1.
42.   I’m not allowed to make $hit puppets, especially out of other peoples socks, the morning after a snatch and grab mission...
43.   Shat is not the past tense of the word $hit
44.   Sand tables of enemy positions, shouldn’t have nipples
45.   I can’t sing "Rock the Kasbah" in front of gas station attendants, even if it was the Sambuca speaking.
46.   I am not Momar Qudaffie
47.   Spraying toilet seats with pepper spray is not allowed, even if there is a huge spider on one.......
48.   I’m not allowed to recommend the use of poison ivy leaves as emergency $hit paper to people who aren’t familiar with what it is.
49.   I can’t built a DPV out of PVC pipe
50.   I shouldn’t give refs pamphlets on "Suicide Intervention"
51.   My call signs can’t be named after sexually transmitted diseases.
52.   I’m not allowed to pack Adult mags in my ruck
53.   I’m not allowed to use Adult mags as bait
54.   I’m not allowed to use Adult soundtracks played over a boom box, as bait
55.   I can’t goose step
56.   I’m not allowed to rig smoke grenades to the rear axle of any vehicle.
57.   I shouldn’t attempt to stick an armband colored piece of duct tape to any wild animal
58.   A Kody war kite is not necessary for a state of the art airborne manned communication center above any paintball field.
59.   I shouldn’t pretend to talk like a Southerner in the company of a Southerner, neither like a New Yorker in the presence of a New Yorker.
60.   Game photographers can’t be captured for my own personal propaganda efforts against the enemy team
61.   I can’t stage the execution of any player, in front of the game photographer
62.   "Bring on the 72 Virgins" is not a good rallying cry for a massive infantry attack on any enemy position
63.   People get tired of hearing "Charlie is in the WIRE!" every time a guy named Charlie, crosses the wire....
64.   The faking of any orgasm is not appreciated on the radio
65.   I am not allowed to quote the movie "Sniper" or "Full Metal Jacket"
66.   I shouldn’t Invite girls to play paintball, that display an interest in hog tying the enemy.
67.   I’m not allowed to key up my radio, causing loud feedback, when I know my teammate is using any "in ear microphone thing"
68.   I can’t comment on the attractiveness of any players cousin
69.   The proper way to answer a radio call does not involve "DO I make you Hoooooooooorney Baby?"
70.   Farting within inches of someone’s face, who is sound asleep in a sleeping bag, is not allowed.
71.   I can’t recount stories of how Eagle "Took enough pipe in that video to build an aqueduct from here to Chicago" during briefings
72.   I can’t fill any paint mine with urine in order to catch wipers.
73.   I’m not allowed to fill flasks and pretend to play the part of a drunken officer, or be one, for that matter
74.   I shouldn’t try to imitate the "skinnies" in the movie Black Hawk Down
75.   Radiator hoses should be left under the hood, where they belong.
76.   I’m not allowed to ask "What do I get for 15 dollars?" to any toll booth attendant.
77.   I can’t close my right eye and pretend to fall asleep, and veer off the road into an empty dirt parking lot, when driving home from a game, even if it scares the sheeoot out of everyone.
78.   When walking into a crowded tent, announcing "Maaan I just got crabs... AGAIN!" while doing severe nut scratching/picking is not appreciated
79.   I can’t attempt to feed bubble gum to wild life, in order to test a hypothesis on constipation

Scott :)
« Last Edit: November 06, 2013, 02:39:31 PM by poppabear »
Commercial Mach3 & Mach 4, Design/Build/Retrofit CNC and Industrial machines.
http://www.ss-systems-llc.com/
Re: Thangs Poppa Ain't allowed to do in paintball anymore.......
« Reply #1 on: August 02, 2014, 06:59:25 AM »
1.   Say to anyone that is not from around here, "Hey you got Purdy Lips".
2.   Play battling banjo's for physiological warfare against the Carpet Baggers.
3.   Ask any one from above the Mason-Dixon Line if he can squeal like a pig.
4.   Give land-nav coordinates to non-hillbilly's in the form of, "You-in's go down through the hollor, take a left at the cut back, go past the yeller dog, next to the deer trail after the coolly sink hole, find them yanks and giv’um H3LL-Fire and Tar-nation.
5.   Try to stick dollar bills in the waist bands of Hooter girl's shorts, during a pre-game "Staff Meeting".
6.   Realize that telling other players from yankee land, that she really is your sister-wife is NOT a good idea, even if there is a TV show about it.
7.   Telling PETA members that you had to personally strangle all 450 cute furry Nauga's to make your reversible fur lined Nauga-hide Hunt'n Jacket, is not cool... but, it is funny.
8.   Continuing to tell the PETA members that you're in PETA also: “People Eating Tasty Animals”.
9.   Understanding that "getting in touch with your feminine side", does not include telling the above PETA members, "Hey, here is a Tissue for your Issue", when they start to cry over those poor Nauga's.
10.   Telling a bunch of Commie, Liberal, Democrat, Plaid Shirt wearing Rump-rangers that, "You give plaid shirts a bad name...Pard...” is usually poorly received when in Cali-forny, or other states that recognize these types of Heathen'ers.
11.   Moonshine, is not an alternative fuel, for a junior league paintball warrior.
12.   Purchasing a "Speedballer" hunt'n permit is in poor taste, (in some places).
13.   Sending Yankee players to known Bear caves to see if they really do "Shat in the woods", is not funny.........really......... it's not.....
14.   Infantry training of young players does not include how to time MRE bombs in Sh!tter's during a dinner break, is not good form...... all though, it is funny...
15.   Creating a distraction for the enemy, does not include anything to do with Turpentine and Cats........
16.   Must NOT discuss Farm animals.......with anyone outside of the family.
17.   Convincing players that the bridge will hold their "tank" cause you used duct tape at critical load bearing structures is not a good idea........ really.
18.   Telling a bunch of women's lib-er paintball chicks that, "A women with two black eyes had to be told twice", especially if wearing my Jerry Springer approved Wife-Beater T-Shirt with mustard stains and cigarette burn holes.
19.   Letting Hillbilly's be in ANY form of leader-ship role is usually a bad idea, especially, if it is a scenario game titled, "Ridge-Runners vs. the Pinkerton's", and if the "Tanks", look like late-model Fords, Chevy's or Dodges with Large numbers and sponsor stickers all over them, and if anywhere NEAR Bristol Motor speedway, "Life Star", should be notified in advance.......
20.   Bringing ANY of your cousins to the "Independence Day 4" games is not well received, even IF they did see Elvis on the last abduction.
21.   Never speak of "Aliens" and "Medical Probes" in the same sentence in relation to the above.
22.   Never admit to using Cats in "Live Fire Exercise" training....
23.   If a Chinese restaurant is within 5 miles, then #22 above is ok in most suther'n states.
24.   Using a real "Trojan", at a family paint game for a barrel protector is not funny...most of the time....
25.   Referring to yourself in the 3rd person, and saying stuff like, "The Evil Hobbits’es, want me precious" then grabbing your Junk is only funny in small groups.......
26.   As far as 3rd person references are concerned, NO self-respecting Hillbilly will ever quote Bob Dole.
27.   When playing "In field" games, cow patties are not good for anti-personnel mines even if a paint-grenade does create a nice area denial radius.....
28.   When playing "Brave Heart" scenario games, and some punk ask me, "Hey what you wearing under that kilt anyway", my response of "Your Wife's Lipstick mate!” is a sure way for it to be "On like Donkey Kong".
29.   In reference to #28 above, Painting my face white and blue, and chunking large rocks at the enemies head is almost over the top for my "Character". (Hey ref, he had goggles on......... it's all good, he'll wake up in a bit, don't be a baby, "it's just a flesh wound" [***Using a Monty Python accent***].......)
30.   Any and ALL references, sayings, and comments derived from Monty Python's "In search of the Holy Grail", is only acceptable if Brits are on the field.
31.   I'm not allowed to challenge Refs or Field Owners to "Do Battle with Naked Steel" anymore
32.   I'm not allowed to interrogate players in the dead zone, even if I have the duct tape and a moped battery handy.
33.   I cannot take credit for assassinations that happened 30 years before I was born.
34.   Telling little kids on a bridge, that the snakes they’re looking at are "Jumping Snakes" is in poor taste, and I should not tell their frustrated parents to "Let them run away, you can make new ones, can’t you?" in a voice louder than 115 decibels’ as they chase their terror stricken kids.
35.   I'm not allowed to herd the neighbors’ sheep with my car ever again.
36.   I can’t organize a mass - mooning incident, aimed at the enemy team on any paintball field, even if they are baastard 'anglishmen!
37.   I’m not allowed to piss my nick name on the side of any corporately sponsored trailer, even if it belongs to speedballers.... or the ref that refused to do battle with naked steel.... or both....
38.   I shouldn’t eat any fast food product before a long car drive, especially spicy chicken burritos.
39.   I can’t "frag" any general on my team, just for $hits and giggles.
40.   I shouldn’t do "Snatch and Grab" missions during the night, on the camp porta john toilet paper supplies.
41.   I shouldn’t throw clumps of mud at dope smokers for grenade practice, especially on April 20th, especially if they outnumber us 10 to 1.
42.   I’m not allowed to make $hit puppets, especially out of other peoples socks, the morning after a snatch and grab mission...
43.   Shat is not the past tense of the word $hit
44.   Sand tables of enemy positions, shouldn’t have nipples
45.   I can’t sing "Rock the Kasbah" in front of gas station attendants, even if it was the Sambuca speaking.
46.   I am not Momar Qudaffie
47.   Spraying toilet seats with pepper spray is not allowed, even if there is a huge spider on one.......
48.   I’m not allowed to recommend the use of poison ivy leaves as emergency $hit paper to people who aren’t familiar with what it is.
49.   I can’t built a DPV out of PVC pipe
50.   I shouldn’t give refs pamphlets on "Suicide Intervention"
51.   My call signs can’t be named after sexually transmitted diseases.
52.   I’m not allowed to pack Adult mags in my ruck
53.   I’m not allowed to use Adult mags as bait
54.   I’m not allowed to use Adult soundtracks played over a boom box, as bait
55.   I can’t goose step
56.   I’m not allowed to rig smoke grenades to the rear axle of any vehicle.
57.   I shouldn’t attempt to stick an armband colored piece of duct tape to any wild animal
58.   A Kody war kite is not necessary for a state of the art airborne manned communication center above any paintball field.
59.   I shouldn’t pretend to talk like a Southerner in the company of a Southerner, neither like a New Yorker in the presence of a New Yorker.
60.   Game photographers can’t be captured for my own personal propaganda efforts against the enemy team
61.   I can’t stage the execution of any player, in front of the game photographer
62.   "Bring on the 72 Virgins" is not a good rallying cry for a massive infantry attack on any enemy position
63.   People get tired of hearing "Charlie is in the WIRE!" every time a guy named Charlie, crosses the wire....
64.   The faking of any orgasm is not appreciated on the radio
65.   I am not allowed to quote the movie "Sniper" or "Full Metal Jacket"
66.   I shouldn’t Invite girls to play paintball, that display an interest in hog tying the enemy.
67.   I’m not allowed to key up my radio, causing loud feedback, when I know my teammate is using any "in ear microphone thing"
68.   I can’t comment on the attractiveness of any players cousin
69.   The proper way to answer a radio call does not involve "DO I make you Hoooooooooorney Baby?"
70.   Farting within inches of someone’s face, who is sound asleep in a sleeping bag, is not allowed.
71.   I can’t recount stories of how Eagle "Took enough pipe in that video to build an aqueduct from here to Chicago" during briefings
72.   I can’t fill any paint mine with urine in order to catch wipers.
73.   I’m not allowed to fill flasks and pretend to play the part of a drunken officer, or be one, for that matter
74.   I shouldn’t try to imitate the "skinnies" in the movie Black Hawk Down
75.   Radiator hoses should be left under the hood, where they belong.
76.   I’m not allowed to ask "What do I get for 15 dollars?" to any toll booth attendant.
77.   I can’t close my right eye and pretend to fall asleep, and veer off the road into an empty dirt parking lot, when driving home from a game, even if it scares the sheeoot out of everyone.
78.   When walking into a crowded tent, announcing "Maaan I just got crabs... AGAIN!" while doing severe nut scratching/picking is not appreciated
79.   I can’t attempt to feed bubble gum to wild life, in order to test a hypothesis on constipation

Scott :)
Well some of those were real good ones and others are very exciting.. Definitely I will share them with my friends..

Offline poppabear

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Re: Thangs Poppa Ain't allowed to do in paintball anymore.......
« Reply #2 on: August 02, 2014, 07:40:57 PM »
Make sure you know how to say, "Who Wuda Thunk it" properly after you tell them...........
also, realize they will no longer just THINK your crazy.... they will KNOW you are....  :)
Commercial Mach3 & Mach 4, Design/Build/Retrofit CNC and Industrial machines.
http://www.ss-systems-llc.com/